here we go again

Its 38 weeks until I am lying on a beach in the gold coast lapping up the sun. But until there I have 37 weeks until my wedding.

I am pretty calm about the whole wedding thing its self, we have pretty much booked everything, paid all deposits and have most things planned. There are about 20 people to many on my invite list but that doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal, as long as we find enough money it should be fine. It’s amazing how fast the list builds up, the usual thing of course names keep being added to my list and I just can’t find people to cut. A lot of friends are just being invited to the after do, there may be a lot of unhappy people, but I still have kids to feed.

The bit I am not happy about is how much time I have to lose all the weight that I have put on after having the kids. I have never been this big in all my life and it makes me quite unhappy a lot of the time. I just can’t seem to look at myself the same. I can lose a little, a couple of kg but I just seem to put them back on again. One positive thing is that, I don’t seem to be getting any bigger; I have my range that I seem to stick around. Moving within a few kg’s each side. I have cut out most fast foods, but of course I am still really bad at adding fat and butter to my cooking at home. We do eat a lot of “meat and 3 or 4 types of veggie” meals but it’s trying to cut out that butter for the potatoes or pumpkin, and that salt on mostly everything else. That wanting to cook in probably about 4 times the amount of oil that I should be. I know the importance of eating breakfast, I just can’t seem to get myself eating in the morning, in fact sometimes the first meal of the day won’t be until lunch or 2.

I don’t exactly come from a slim family; right across the board it seems to be something that we are all fighting with. There is usually at least one if not all of us saying each week “Oh I am going to get healthy, starting this week” or “I’m going on a diet, I want to lose this amount of weight”.  Most of the time you find yourself fighting against yourself to not be as bigger as them, be fitter and better, Sometimes this helps but most of the time it can be your worst enemy, as soon as you see one of them looking better or slimmer than you, after you have put in all this work to try and get down, it can start to play with your mind.

Maybe I only have myself to blame for this anyway, the idea of getting out and doing exercise really don’t do much for me. I need to get up off the sofa and start to do something, take control of what I can. I need to start to learn about calories, Foods and what not. And I guess the first step begins with me.